It also teaches them an implicit lesson about the emptiness of
excessive holiday consumption, he says.
"Rather than explaining [to the children] complicated reasons why we're
not going with the flow, my wife and I are trying to teach gratitude
and celebration," he says.
Armstrong points to
writer
William Cavanaugh, who makes the distinction between "consuming well" and
overdoing it. "I think that making [gifts] helps reconnect my kids and
me to consuming well," he says.
The Church of Non-Buying
In the nation's places of worship, some religious
leaders are also spreading the gospel of non-buying.
This holiday season, Pastor Pat Bodenhamer of United Methodist Church
has been preaching the four principles of the Advent Conspiracy --
worship fully, spend less, give more and love all -- to her
congregation of 20 in Omaha, Ark.
The rural town has been hit by a depressed economy. "There are no jobs
in rural Arkansas," Pastor Bodenhamer says. "I would dare say that 90%
of my congregation may not have health insurance."
Joblessness has taken a financial toll on retired congregants, who are
increasingly shelling out more to help support their adult children and
grandchildren, she says.
"So here comes Christmas, and they want to give, but they're struggling
all around."
Pastor Bodenhamer challenged the congregation to cut out one frivolous
gift this holiday season, and instead give their family, friends, even
people in their communities who might be alone on Christmas "the gift
of you -- a phone call, a hug, or stop by and have a meal," she says,
or offer something homegrown and homemade, like a gift from their
garden or a quilt.
"I'm trying to guide them into changing their mindset," she says. The
idea is to give and receive "meaning instead of just junk."
Bodenhamer also encouraged her congregation to take up a personal cause
this holiday season, such as raising funds for an impoverished village
in Africa or for those hit by the tornadoes in Arkansas. Because
"people became really invested in it and took it personally," the
church has raised more money than in prior years, she says.
Redefining Rituals
While the holiday gift exchange can fulfill
people's real need for connection with others, it often falls short of
any lasting impact -- save for the credit card bills, says Jan of
Northwest Arkansas, who preferred not to give her last name.
Jan was determined to preempt her family's shopping madness this
holiday season, and help her "debt-wracked, underemployed,
over-leveraged, over-mortgaged family members in overcoming denial,"
she says. "They spend and then they cry, complain, fight with spouses
and siblings, and ask for Prozac."
It recently dawned on her that family members were more attached to the
feelings of connectedness and love generated by the gift-opening ritual
than the actual gifts. "For some family members, this may be the only
time during the entire holiday visit that they feel they have the full
attention and appreciation of others," she says.
In lieu of the gift exchange, the family will hold a tea-and-candle
ceremony. Each family member will receive a personalized, inspirational
message of love and encouragement, speak their hearts and minds -- with
the promise of full attention from the group -- pray silently, light
candles and sip gourmet tea.
"It's about breaking the unwrap-fest habit and meeting emotional needs
in a healthy, satisfying way," she says. "If this doesn't promote
tears, hugs and extended heart-to-heart follow-up conversations, I
don't know what will."
Passed Down Gifts
For the Forshaw-Sawatzky family, the holidays have never been about
store-bought gifts, says Tara Forshaw of Winnipeg, Canada, a mother of
two boys.
Instead, every Christmas, Forshaw's 5-year-old son, Avery, is given
unwrapped toys that his older cousin Adam has outgrown. "We're teaching
him that they're not his, but his to use for now, and they will
continue a life after him, and he's really a steward of them," she says.
The approach makes perfect sense to the Forshaw-Sawatzky family. "It's
just the way we were raised," says Forshaw, who along with her husband
is Mennonite. "Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ,
about spending time with the people you love and eating far too much"
-- rather than shopping for presents, which the family can't afford
anyway, she says.
This is the first Christmas in three years that Forshaw, an
administrative assistant, and her husband Gord, who insulates older
homes and was twice laid off from construction jobs, are both employed.
"We don't have the money to do what conventional wisdom says, which is
to buy, buy, buy."
But even when money was tighter, the couple managed to give extended
family Living Gift cards from fair trade retailer
Ten Thousand Villages.
This year, they'll be making a $25 Living Gift donation in a family
member's name to aid those worldwide who lack basic needs, from
education and health care to running water.
The anti-consumerism philosophy holds year-round in the
Forshaw-Sawatzky household.
According to Forshaw, malls are "social shopping machines." That's why
she's kept Avery away from them as much as possible, and from the
children that she sees there "asking for stuff, and crying when they
don't get it," she says. "I just see this sense of entitlement. I don't
want him to learn that's appropriate behavior because in my opinion,
it's not."
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